Adult Self Injury Awareness

At the end of February I attended a Self Harm Awareness Course run by two dynamic ladies, Katie and Nicki from Cardiff Adult Self-Injury Project (CASIP). A group which was conceived from the realisation that there were no services in the South Wales area to support people over the age of 18 who self-injure; the popular misconception being that self-harm only affects young adolescents. Attendees of the course mainly appeared to be made up of Student Mentors and various Student Services staff.

I had a personal interest in this course; twenty(ish) years ago I used to self-harm. It lasted for a few years after a couple of awful incidents and when I was feeling out of control with life around me. I needed something to focus on, and hurting myself was the easiest way of doing that. It was a physical manifestation of the pain I was feeling inside. I wanted someone to help me but I couldn't vocalise it. It happened again briefly when I suffered post-natal depression a few years later. I look now and my scars are barely visible (yes the do fade with time!), but when I think about it, I remember how I felt as that young woman the turmoil I was experiencing inside. Then I think about what I'm doing now, and I realise how strong I have become!

Katie and Nicki challenged preconceived ideas about people that self-harm. Many people think that it is a form of attention seeking. Nurses in Accident and Emergency (or even psychiatric) departments consider these individuals to be time wasters and treat the injury as a diagnosis rather than a reflection of the true distress that that person is suffering.
10% of those who self-harm will commit suicide within 10 years.*
We learnt that these individuals, if not dismissed were made to feel ten times worse by being labelled as time wasters, they are simply brushed off as having 'just a personality disorder'! Katie and Nicki informed us that self-harm as a specific psychiatric disorder was under negotiation to be made a category of its own, so that sufferers can receive appropriate treatment instead of being grouped together under the 'personality disorder' umbrella.

So what should one do when made aware of or approached by someone that self-harms? 
DO NOT:
-Panic and remove all sharp objects! This is an often unhelpful reaction of parents.
-Use emotional blackmail! For example, telling them how much they are hurting you by doing what they are doing.
-Accuse them of being attention seeking and brush them off.
DO:
-Consider unhelpful reactions they may have previously received.
-Acknowledge and validate the fact that they have chosen to communicate and TRUST you!
-Respect their choice if/whilst they continue to self-harm.
-Help them to recognise the root cause of their actions. This may involve helping them find an appropriate support group.
-Be honest with them if you feel out your depth and need to refer them to a professional.
-Allow the person to remain in control, ask them what help they want from you.
But most of all, listen!

I read the following somewhere once, I can't remember where though, but it's a motto I have continued to live by:

"I embrace every dreadful event that ever happened to me. They made me me!"

*Butler, J.; Longhitano, C., (2008). Self-Harm. Psychiatric Aspects of General Medicine. 36 (9), pp.455-458

Good Mentor Day

Some people I chat to have many varying challenges in life; family, money, depression, bereavement, culture and on and on...
So it's nice to know once in a while that just by being there and listening to someone can, not only make all the difference to the whole university experience for some, but it can also be just what they need emotionally too.

We all get confidence wobbles sometimes, especially when one feels that there is nothing more that can be done to give someone the support and guidance that they really need.

Today somebody tapped me on the shoulder, I turned around to see a face that I had not seen since the beginning of the autumn term. It was a lady that I had spoken to several times over the summer when I was doing my telephone work, welcoming new students to UWN, finding out if they had any queries and how these could be best resolved etc. Any way, this lady had serious concerns before she started her course. She had concerns whether she could fit uni around her small children, there were cultural and religious issues that were playing on her mind, and basically she lacked confidence. I spent a lot of time in late August / early September, and during her induction week reassuring her that no matter what there was always someone that could offer her support. I put her in touch with a tutor that I felt may empathise with her and offer a greater source of professional support than I. Additionally I didn't sugar coat the university experience she was about to undertake, I told her (and other students) that what she was about to do will be intense and a steep learning curve. I felt that she would benefit more if I was completely honest with her, so I was.

Today, roughly five months after I last spoke to her, she wanted to thank me and let me know that she appreciated the fact that I had been open about the new journey she was about to travel. She did find it hard at times, but because of my openness she had been able to ensure that she had a good support network around her and she was determined not to let her previous concerns stand in her way of achieving her goal.

I left that conversation knowing that I had made a difference to her life, a small one yes,  but nonetheless it was significant enough for her to still want to say thank you to me after all this time. I love being a Student Mentor at UWN!

Today was a good Mentor day!

Volunteering

Periodically (almost daily) a swathe of emails drop into my inbox from one particular person... my Mentor Manager (and all round wise oracle) Kerry. These emails offer up many varying opportunities; training sessions, work opportunities, the chance to make an idiot of yourself in front of a room full of students, etc, etc.
Recently I had realised that I hadn't been grasping at any of these 'opportunities', until I read one email:

Have you worked as a Volunteer?!

.... here’s the call to share your experiences!

The Careers Team do an annual event that highlights the benefits that volunteering has on your CV and for the individual. 

This interested me, and after a quick scan through my memory bank at past experience of volunteering, I thought "I can do this", it was also about time I got off my backside and responded positively to one of Kerry's emails.

So I volunteered to go and put myself in the spotlight (albeit briefly) and have a chat to some students about my experience volunteering as a Management Committee member for Blaenau Gwent Domestic Abuse Services (BGDAS)... It doesn't end there though! Not only did I volunteer myself, but I also managed to volunteer a lovely friend, Jodie. I considered Jodie to be excellent for this opportunity based on her experience volunteering and assisting 16-18 year old young people for Newport's NEET project. She wasn't aware at the time but I kindly broke it to her gently in a text! Have I mentioned that at the time she wasn't even a fully fledged Student Mentor? No? Well she was a brand new member of the scheme, but yet to undergo her Mentor training and nab a snazzy 'Mentor Blue' hoodie. Anyway, in my wisdom I thought it would be beneficial for her to 'hit the ground running' so to speak! Luckily for me she didn't mind and was very glad to have been given this opportunity so early on in her journey as a Mentor at Newport.

 When the day arrived, the two of us joined some more professional speakers;  Lisa Davies from Just Add Spice, which is a

 'social enterprise that develops agency timebanking systems for communities and public services that engage and empower the many rather than the few.' 

and Laurence Hall from The Great Primate Handshake, whos objective is

'The Great Primate Handshake raises awareness of primate sanctuaries and primate conservation programmes through the production of media.'

Both of these great speakers provided some really useful information not only for the students present, but for Jodie and myself also. 

Eventually it was our turn, and although we didn't have snappy PowerPoint presentations to support us, we got through it. Not only did we discuss our chosen topic, but we managed to get a word in for the Student Mentor Scheme also, which after all, if I hadn't volunteered to talk about volunteering then Jodie and I wouldn't have benefited from the experience ourselves. 

Volunteering is good... never be afraid to stick your hand up and say "I will do it!"

  

Spoon Feeding!

This week I have discovered... No matter how much you try to help some people, you may be better off leaving them to their own fate!
If a person can't be bothered to help themselves and just lies to you in return for all the assistance that you have given them (when they have asked for it), it can be a bit soul destroying!

On a more positive note, I'm looking forward to giving a brief presentation to some students next week regarding the benefits of volunteer work.

Snow Day Musings of a Student Mentor

Sitting here, staring out of my kitchen window, blackbirds scrabbling in the snow searching for worms, seeds, bread, whatever they can find in my garden, I realise I haven't blogged in an age! I think its because for a while I felt quite distant from it all... all the mentoring stuff I mean. 

I would see emails or the occasional post on Facebook about events, social gatherings etc and for one reason or another I may not have been able to make it... I was in a lecture, I don't live on campus or even in Newport... or maybe I just wanted to be with my family instead of being out and getting pissed! Excuses or reasons... you decide!

Anyway, this started to make me feel like I wasn't actually doing anything proactive regards my role as a Student Mentor, I even had a breakdown moment where I completely hijacked a meeting about a potential new project and completely out-poured some pretty deep secrets and insecurities (Kerry, I'm forever in your debt)! 
My point is, I was wrong (again). I am proactive as a mentor, I only have to look at my phone or my inbox to see evidence of this. People trust me, they talk to me, they value what I have to say. I'm often pulled to one side for a quiet chat or sent a text or an email minutes after I've just been sat in the same room as that person. I listen, I reassure, I point in the right direction. I never judge, influence or give instructions (at least, I'm not aware that I do) and I never break a confidence. 
This is what I wanted from the mentoring scheme, I wanted to be of use to people, I never wanted to be an in-your-face kind of mentor (despite the current red hair). I don't want to be a nag or there every time you turn a corner, I reach out to people, yes, and I follow up with issues I've been made aware of. I just wanted to there when I was needed and I think I may have achieved that balance. 

Happy snow day everyone :)

Growing up!

I have so much to say, I hope I haven't left it too long and forgotten everything!

Some time earlier in the year, I decided to jump out of my comfort zone and apply for a position as a Student Mentor at UWN. I didn't really know what it meant... probably giving people a hand if they were lost or maybe letting students know what services were available to them at the uni; but hey, it provided an income, as such, and I could work it around my degree.

I was wrong, it's much more than that. I've already written about my first few experiences, about not knowing anyone, feeling nervous and old, but there's something else... I've become Claire again. I lost my way quite a long time ago, I was a Mum, a girlfriend, a wife, a lover, a friend, an employee, a daughter, a sister, a niece, a grand daughter, an aunt and on and on... but I was never just Claire. This past year, and more importantly these past few weeks have made me Claire again.

I have been dragged out from behind my protective wall, I have confidently spoken in front of a room full of people, I have gone up to practical strangers and spoken honestly about my first impressions of them and told them how I see them and they have reciprocated. I have acted on impulse and reacted decisively and positively instead of "hmm, can I get back to you?". I have made a fool of myself and sung drunkenly on karaoke (any of my close friends will know I usually loath karaoke!), and I loved it, I have loved every second of the last year of my life... but the past three weeks have been the best!

I know that even when something comes along and blows the wind out of my sail and makes me feel like an insecure 15 year old again, I have the strength and maturity to say to myself "for goodness sake woman, get a grip of yourself, is it THAT important?" I've finally grown up! I can speak about matters that are deep in my soul, that are painful to bring to the front of my consciousness, to even pitch a project idea about them, I can do this and not cry... I wanted to, but I didn't :)

Being there for new (and returning) students at UWN, trying to make them feel secure and safe in an unfamiliar environment was challenging; it really tested my patience at times, but sometimes it made me want to hug and kiss the nearest person to me. Overall, everything that I have witnessed, been involved in and experienced, whether it was talking to a new and insecure student for an hour on the phone or just pointing someone in the right direction has given me the greatest sense of achievement; I have met the most amazing, inspiring and charismatic individuals and many, many of them will be indelibly imprinted on my heart forever.

I know who I am now, I have grown, matured and gained a great sense of confidence and achievement. I like me, finally, at the age of 37, I'm proud of who I am... I can't wait for the future :)

Procrastination Update!

I have lots to update... Training, telephoning new intake students etc, but I am about to embark upon a week of solid Student Mentor training prior to induction/enrolment and freshers weeks. It's going to be a hectic time... Oh yeah my son starts comprehensive school and I will be starting my degree in amongst all of this! Hey ho at least life isn't boring eh? ;)
Catch you later :))